And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.