you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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