if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital