Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?