Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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