His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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