Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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