If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
