I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
