she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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