i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
