i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
