man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
