My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
