At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
