Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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