My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
