just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
