you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
