i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
