your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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