yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
