I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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