i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
