The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
