alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
