Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
