i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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