it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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