Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
