my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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