There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
