He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
