Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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