We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
