worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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