Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
