you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
