So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
