Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
