My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
