You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
