Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
