sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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