i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
