she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
