My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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