Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
