Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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