I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
