who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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