i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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