Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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