If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
