No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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