No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
