I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
