Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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