we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
