Cold hands, warm shart.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
