I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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