Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize