I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
