What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
