Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
