I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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