i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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