these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
