well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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