I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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