My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
