Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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