Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
