It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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