just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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