I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
