he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right