btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in