how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just had sex bonerless
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"