She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.