Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
