I never want to see another naked old woman again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i have two assholes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.