champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off