yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said