not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
