So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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