dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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