i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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